Knot Allowed

People like weddings. I like weddings. Marriage, well that’s a different story (I kid, I kid.)

Back to weddings. What’s to like? Well, there’s the little things: like my “27 Dresses” obsession with wedding announcements, browsing stylemypretty.com, watching Father of the Bride or the Style Network, or getting that little ecstatic jolt of joy when someone you know gets engaged, oh I could go on and on.

However, you know what I found to be the best part of making it into the “bride to be” club? Being allowed to buy a wedding magazine. I’m serious. Now, of course anyone can technically buy a magazine. Well, not really. If you buy a wedding magazine before you have a ring you’re taking a big risk. Huge. If you get your paws on one and you have a long-term boyfriend, you’ve taken “dropping hints” to a new level. You risk looking crazy. Psycho! He might freak out and think you’re trying trap him forever and he’ll never be able to pry your matrimonial mitts off of him. Or, on the other hand, you could be accused of “ruining the surprise” when you should “just let things happen naturally.”

What if it’s early on in a relationship and you pick up one of these glossy bridal booklets? Even worse. You might have just ruined your chances of ever putting on a white dress and having this guy be the one waiting at the end of the aisle. There are a million different scenarios.

Anyway, the day you find yourself in the supermarket checkout with the credentials to pick up one of these matrimonial mags it’s a pretty awesome feeling.

So what’s the big secret once you finally get into “The Knot”? Well, it’s pretty much the same story over and over again. Destination weddings! Vows! Yay! Honeymoons! Bliss! Bridesmaids! Centerpieces! How to open presents at a shower while sitting down! Something blue! Weddings under 50k! Why you need a blender! Registry 101! What to do the night before your wedding! (Put cream on your face and don’t drink!!!! I repeat. Do not drink!) Whoops...

After, having a wedding and discussing with a few other former brides I thought of a few more subjects they should cover, including: What do you do when the wedding party has a penchant for whiskey? What if rains – no, not what if it rains, what if it pours so hard it almost knocks over the tent you’re supposed to get married under in a few hours? What to do if your whacked out Priest makes up some absurd story of how you got engaged in the woods and everyone believes it! Yay! How to handle guests who want two meals! Oh, and my favorite - Keeping your cool when someone cracks a Bud heavy in the church! Bliss!