Ticket Monster

Some basement nerd with a computer and a fed-ex envelope almost ruined my monster ball. Of course I didn’t realize it until 3 minutes before I got there.

While the rest of Boston were pressing their seersucker pants and packing up their sport wagons for a long weekend on the Cape I was gluing broken glass to a pair of $4 shades from Wet Seal. Forget fireworks, I had two days of a bad romance to focus on. After having tickets for two previously cancelled Lady Gaga shows I was determined to attend Boston’s Monster Ball. I planned my outfit and company accordingly – my sister was really the option if I didn’t want my off-the-wall antics judged too much. So she came over early and we got ready college dorm style - pregaming with a Gaga playlist. I drew a lightning bolt on her face and she teased the blonde bob I had picked up at Boston Costume.

While we waited for my husband to pull the car around I felt less like Gaga and more like Julia Roberts working a Sunset Boulevard corner as Vivian but I knew I was just a few minutes away from joining all the other little monsters. At some point during the 4 minute drive to the Boston Garden I took the tickets out of the envelope that I had ordered months ago with the combined $ from the previous 2 cancelled shows. I looked at them and screamed. Loge Section 12, Row 5, seat 12 and seat 19. Um…last I checked there were like 6 other seats between the two tickets I had in my hand that cost more than my weekly paycheck. W T F. So while I was in meltdown mode my engineering major of a husband told me that they were probably next to each other. Riiiiigggghhhttt. I was pretty sure I was going to be sitting alone in this get-up.

My reasonable sister convinced me to down a few drinks before we dealt with our seat fiasco. The pre-bar scene was hilarious – pink wigs, fake blood, platform shoes, police tape, bows made of human hair. I posed for a few pictures with fans (no, really), ran from the news cameras, and then we made our way down to the Loge. Just as I suspected our seats were not together. Our row was completely full - save for two mismatched gaping holes – I was seconds from crocodile tears. But, since I had my red bull wings I tried to reason (yes, in my wig and sunglasses) with the row to slide down. The first part of the row was fine – we plead our case and offered them free booze. Now, we were two seats apart with two broads between us. The bitch wouldn’t budge. The girl was a monster. She wasn’t buying our internet scam story and wouldn’t move her tush until she consulted her friend that was buying brewskis upstairs. Luckily, this girl was a softie. She looked deep into my handmade sunglasses, saw the pure terror in my eyes and swapped her seats. Phew...
Anyway, the concert was ridiculous. I prefer the review of the concert that was in the Worcester Telegram – the guy seemed like he had a good time. Also, check out her choked up Boston performance of Speechless complete with audience sing a long.