Halloween Tales of Costume Terror

Oh Halloween, every year you make us look like such fools.  

For this year’s Halloween blog, instead of my usual poking fun at people I thought I’d let my readers make fun of themselves.  I mean come on, you don’t need me to tell you how dumb you looked standing at a cheesy Boston bar scantily clad in a bustier and bug antennae.  

Your response to my call for your tales of Halloween costumes gone wrong flooded my inbox and kept tears rolling down my face for days.  Here, your costume regrets:

“As a desperate college student and long distance lover, I voluntarily spent Halloween of ’08 dressed as a side of the road Shrek on my boyfriend’s college campus.  Flagging down customers at the Xtramart earned me a $25 gas card and a box of snickers bars.” – Laura K., Boston

“Picture it – October 2007, Dan attends a Halloween party at Side Bar in Downtown Crossing - the invitation declared that I must be in costume.  I decided to take a box, cut out the bottom, cut a hole on each side, wrap said box in paper and throw a ‘TO/FROM’ sticker that read “TO: Women, FROM: God” – Yes, I was God’s gift to women.  What I wasn’t: able to fit through the bathroom door, extend my reach to drink my beer, or stop myself from sweating profusely.  I was also not able to commute home on the redline. 

“I also made Jello shots, put them into zip lock bags and taped them to the inside of the box I was wearing.  Well, when one wears a box in a crowded bar, the Jello shots one has taped to the inside of a Halloween costume has a tendency to melt.  Melted Jello combined with gravity not only cause one’s clothes to stain, but also tends to make the floor around your person slippery.

“Luckily, the beer situation was resolved by the creepy, yet kind woman tending bar who taped several straws together so I could drink my bud light without having to remove my costume.” – Dan O., Foxborough

“I regret the one and only time I did a ‘sexy’ costume.  I was 19, went as Barbarella, accidentally ate a hash cookie, and almost lost my ever-loving mind when I got way too much attention in my hot pants and go go boots.  It was horrible.  I was saved by some crazy girl dressed as Duchess Sarah Ferguson (think slightly drunkenly askew 80s glamour).  She acted as my bodyguard, shooing all the lecherous types away, and kept me occupied with hilarious commentary and clove cigarettes.” - Anonymous co-worker

“I was Gizmo, from the Gremlins one year. My mom made me a fur suit with quilted ears and a white outlined eye to boot.  I was also a no. 2 pencil and everyone thought I was a Conehead.” - Kerry F., Boston

I'm here to pick up my prescription.

“How about the time I painted my face like a skeleton to walk around the block with you girls when you were little.  Once we got home, I ran to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription before they closed.  The pharmacist was scared to death because she thought I was there to rob them.

“When I was little my mom dressed my sister Maria up as a TV.  She was in a box up to her neck and had her little arms hanging out with her heavy plastic pumpkin full of candy hanging from one hand.  It was pouring rain and my father took us through a back yard where it was pitch dark and because she couldn't look down to see where she was going, she proceeded to continuously slide over leaves and trip over the rock wall spilling all her candy.  My father, not the calmest man, was swearing, Maria was crying and the rest of us were all trying to pick up her soaking wet candy strewn about the rocks and leaves.  We ended up having to share a portion of our stash with her.” – Jane (my mom), Whitman

“My mom dressed me up in one of my old dance recital costumes. It was 4^th of July themed, so she painted my face red, white and blue and added a ton of glitter.  It looked like the 4^th of July threw up a very bizarre clown.” – Katie C., Boston

“Costume regret? Oh boy, that’s easy.  My mom used to sew, and we are from Ohio, so OSU Buckeyes are as big as the Red Sox are here.  Brutus Buckeye is the mascot for OSU.  My mom made a Brutus buckeye costume that we stuffed with newspaper. Everyone thought I was a big potato.” – Carrie, Boston

“Well, there was the dice incident.  That year, your father and I decided to dress as a pair of dice.  Unfortunately, the boxes we were wearing were so big that we took up the entire room at the party.”  - Carole, Worcester (as told to her daughter)

I'm only ashamed of the one I bought instead of created... And it was a ... I'm embarrassed to say it... Ok, it was a pumpkin suit...head- to- toe orange felt jumpsuit... AND I wore green suede Filas with it… 1993 was a weird year for me.” – Kathleen, Boston

"I'm a Chiquita banana and I'm here to say, give me some candy and I'll go away"

This was the song I sang whilst I trick or treated all around the neighborhood in a giant banana costume my mother made me. It had so much bunting in the top, I couldn't walk thru doors.

“I went to one of my first boy/girl parties in this costume and got into a chasing match with my friends who were dressed like other fruits (tomato, grapes, etc.) (fruit of the loom...) and proceeded to run clear off a brick wall because I couldn't see where the hell I was going. I was about a 4-foot drop.

“In later years, I wore the costume at my sort of tough middle school on costume day and called my mother at the makeup counter to pick me up because I was teased and called the walking condom.” – Gillian, San Fran

And don’t worry, I have one too.  My long-time readers may remember this story from last year’s blog:

“In the 7th grade my mom convinced me to be a picnic. Hands down, worst day of my life. I spent an entire school day walking around with a makeshift table and dinner for four on my chest. That one was a real hit with the guys. Seriously, thanks mom. I can't believe I actually bought your “be different and original” speech. While my sister was frolicking around as a lovely turquoise satin unicorn, 13-year-old boys were ripping bags of Fritos off my “picnic”, I couldn't fit at my desk and I had a fork and knife in my hair.”

Happy Halloween!

Feel free to post your costume regrets in the comments below.