Give it up Gwinny

Cringe alert: Anne Hathaway’s dress joke. And then the awkward thing she did with her body immediately after telling the horrible dress joke.

Why do they put Oprah in satin? Listen to the way she says “documentary”  - I must have been saying it wrong all these years.  Notice the way the actors look at her, they hang on her every word like she’s L. Ron Hubbard telling them what’s going to happen next. Did Oprah just try to give an acceptance speech?

Billy Crystal is here to save the show. Don’t leave us Billy. 

Fact: Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law definitely would not have been friends with Anne Hathaway in high school.

Social Network and Inception are cleaning up on the technical awards, no?

Cringe Alert: Anne Hathaway’s fake laugh again!

Florence brought her crazy arse to the Oscars and sang a song, that, like her,  definitely appeals to mainstream America. Not!

Is Gwyneth serious? I’ve heard drunk townies sing more in tune on karaoke night at Up Country in North Conway.  Give it up Gwynny! Go back to your career as an actor/food blogger/chef/fitness enthusiast. Please.

Celine’s here, time to honor everyone I should’ve picked in my celebrity death pool – Gloria Stuart! Did you know The Sports Guy has an over/under on the last deceased celeb to appear in the montage?

Bale Bails on his Wife

Christian Bale wins. Plugs Dicky’s website. Did they boooo or awwww…? Anybody get that? Did he just forget his wife’s name or is it me?  Did he cover it up with acting like he was crying?

Oh great, my husband’s company is sponsoring the Oscars. So that’s where the bonus $ went.

Brooklyn boy: “ I am delighted we have just renewed our vows.” Really ABC?

Mismatch alert: Hath’s hair, necklace and dress.

Has anyone seen my girl Blake Lively? Did she get invited?

Best Score: Trent Reznor is very important in our house. We’re rooting for him! Yeah, they did it.  Atticus Ross kind of looks like a character from Willy Wonka but, that Reznor cleans up pretty well. My friend Jay sums it up, “Who knew Trent Reznor was so handsome in a tux. Didn't this guy sing "I want to f&*% you like an animal"?

ScarJo and Matt Mcon. My, that’s a beautiful looking pair.  I picked Inception for all the sound awards in my Oscar pool. 

Is James Franco high? Why won’t he look into the camera? This guy is shifty.

Does Marisa Tomei ever age? She talks about the nerd award. Up close her dress looks like she’s wearing a bad bridesmaid dress on the top. 

Next up, Smug British Blanchette and her lavender armor. She hands out her award, and won’t get her mug out of the camera’s way.

Costume design: Alice in Wonderland. Look at this chick’s gloves! Love it.

Mandy Moore, aww girl, I've been missing you, missing you like Candy.

Mila Kunis Lace Watch

Did this girl really date Macauley Culkin?  You should definitely start dating Justin Timberlake, justsayin.

The Illusionist sure looks like a creepy animated film.

Cringe alert: Anne Hathaway dancing to the Oscar music

Adapted Screenplay – I’m rooting for Mezrich, because apparently he’s like Boston royalty now. Sweet, Social Network wins.

I’m not in on the white tuxedo joke.

King’s Speech wins.  Sounds like he’s giving a funny eulogy. Love the late bloomer joke.

Sweet Disposition in a Diet Coke commercial. The commercial makes no sense. But, it’s culturally diverse and hip with a catchy tune.

Cringe Alert: Hathdogga is in a tuxedo and sitting on the stage American Idol style. What’s she singing? Ah, On my Own, Les Mis, how predictable Hath.  I prefer the Joey Potter version. 

You Just Got Incepted

Anything with Alec Baldwin automatically gets my vote.  Love the Inception style intro. 

Oh honey, Anne Hathaway’s Boston accent is almost as bad as Julianne Moore’s in 30 Rock

Hollywood must’ve loved the dreidel/Inception joke

The dance of the brown duck was freaking awesome, along with James Franco’s one piece white unitard

Love the Morgan Freeman cameo

The monologue is a little cringe worthy, no? So awkward. Anne Hathaway seems to be majorly overacting.  It’s like watching Princess Diaries live.

Anne Hathaway’s self-deprecating naked joke fell flat, I felt almost as uncomfortable watching her tell that joke as I did buying a ticket for that movie. 

James Franco (I wish he brought Tameeka his Japanese body pillow) is adorable, but stop speaking?

Did Tom Hanks suddenly age thirty years?

Kirk Douglas, eh, dear Lord, I can't say this out loud because of my day job, but you know what I'm thinking. 

Melissa Leo, sweet! She just swore. I love it when they swear.  

Live Blogging the Oscars

Red Carpet Observations:

• ·      Giuliana Rancic is clearly on the Black Swan/after school special diet. Watching her and Kelly Osbourne was like watching an episode of South Park with those giant noggin bobbleheads.
  
  
  ·      Michelle Williams, I don't get it.  I know this is your "look" but I don't get it. I also saw Blue Valentine and that movie has no business being nominated for an award.
  
  
  ·      This Haylee chick can do no wrong with the Rancic/Osbourne/Joan Rivers crew, I'm mildly impressed.
  
  
  ·      Amy Adams. I hate it. Matronly, the necklace is all wrong for the dress. Is it Asian inspired? The dress cuts her arms at a horrible spot.
  
  
  ·      Cate Blanchette thinks she's so gorgeous. Her pursed lip smile bugs me. She's wearing some sort of lavender armor dress.  God, I love Ryan Seacrest.
  
  
  ·      Jennifer Hudson. Girl, Weight Watchers? Really? I think you're taking horse pills from Mexico. She looks like a million bucks from far away in a show-stopping red number. Up-front it looks a little 1999 Whitman Hanson senior prom - is that taffeta Versace?
  
  
  ·      Nicole Kidman is wearing a holiday table runner and still has her vertically challenged husband
  
  
  ·       Omg, did you have to switch from E to watch Robin Roberts embarrass herself in front of these celebrities? Who is this woman anyway?
  
  
  ·      Mila Kunis is so hot.
  
  
  ·      Sharon Stone dressed up as Black Swan.
  
  
  ·      Scarlett Johanssen’s date is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. 
  
  
  ·    Gwyneth just said she wanted to do a duet with Jay-Z, how long do we all have to pretend she can sing for? How much longer? Jay-Z, ha.
  
  
  ·      Marisa Tomei didn’t do her hair, but she wore navy, I love navy.
  
  
  ·      Hilary Swank’s makeup artist should be fired. 
  
  
  ·      Sandra Bullock tried to do the “eff you Jesse James” by wearing the hot red number. She kinda pulled it off…
  
  
  
  
  What do you guys think?
  
  
  
  

Looks Like my Country Club Heaven

Do you think Tommy Hilfiger’s team read my blog back in June? I mean, I don’t want to be that girl that tries to take credit for inspiring a great idea, but come on, look at Tommy Hilfiger’s Spring 2011 ad campaign.

This picture is like my country club dream come true.  Here an excerpt from my June blog entry:

“I wish I was a yuppie from 1986. Not the lame wannabee yuppies that exist today. I want to sleep away most of the day and meet my depressed pill popping mom at the country club for lunch. After that, I want to hop in my Wayfarer wearing boyfriend’s BMW convertible and stay up all night partying with my friends named Trevor, Trent, Margot and Blair. I want to wear a shoulder padded blazer, a casual form fitting skirt over leggings and a bunch of chunky necklaces.”

Umm…hello, does the picture above not look like a bunch of Trevor and Trent types? 

Bottles of champagne, a tennis court, loafers, visors, and letterman sweaters sure sound like a thin slice of heaven to me.  So God, if you’re listening, when it’s time to send me to heaven – can you make sure it looks like Tommy Hilfiger’s spring 2011 ad campaign.  Thanks.

Alice in Wonderland (Wonderland = NYFW)

Since I could barely handle all of my invitations (read: none) to New York Fashion Week, I decided to let my NYC correspondent handle Down the Rabbit Hole’s coverage of the chic conclave. Besides, I wouldn’t have had time to attend anyway. I was far too busy on Sunday nursing a pathetic hangover I had earned by imbibing 2 ½-vodka cocktails at a bar that I was far too old to be at. Yeah, I know I’m feeling real proud (and old.) But, that’s enough self-deprecating humor for a Monday; let’s live vicariously through my Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week correspondent, shall we?

Our Fashion Week newbie, who we’ll call “Alice”, had access to some pretty high brow shows, including: Catherine Malandrino, Alice Ritter and (cue jealous gasp) Tory Burch.


Behold Alice’s adventures in wonderland:

"Apropos to your blog's title, I truly felt like I fell down a rabbit hole today...

"Here's my clandestine tale of a day spent fashion show hopping clad in my best Alice & Olivia frock from 3 years ago...needless to say, I did not take my coat off."

11:40am: My companions and I, one of whom is a celebrity on a hit television show, who shall remain anonymous (I'm not one to gossip) arrive at Pier 59, Studio 8 to find Alice Ritter, a young Parisian transplant, who is incredibly sweet and approachable, and her gorgeous glamazons sporting a breezy, "country bohemian" look.

12:00pm: Back in the car we proceed to Catherine Malandrino's masterpiece, showcased in a huge, raw loft space in the old NY Times building on 224 W 43rd Street. When we enter the lobby, we are greeted by hundreds of fashionistas and eager buyers, editors and gawkers (not unlike myself) queing for the elevator. The Malandrino talent wranglers thankfully recognize my entourage immediately, which now includes a prominent stylist, and whisk us pass the zoomanity, where we are escorted directly to Ms. Malandrino herself, who looks fabulous and surprisingly relaxed. This was certainly a unique presentation with dozens of models perched on varying sized pedestals throughout this behemoth loft space with dramatic midtown views outside of the floor to ceiling windows. Oh, and the clothes were GORGEOUS, very city chic and sophisticated with more than a hint of the designers trademark funkiness. If only I were 6 feet tall, 110 lbs...

1:00pm: We rescue our celeb friend from paparrazzos, and stop off for a quick lunch at a local French bistro.

2:15pm: We obtain a prime (I'm sure it was legal) parking spot outside the Empire Hotel, head into the tents at Lincoln Center for Tory Burch's non-traditional runway show, and rub shoulders with the likes of Kanye West. Ms. Burch's show started with a bang to an amazing playlist and was really high energy throughout. Like at Alice Ritter's presentation, there were flowy, "country bohemian" pieces, which looked quite similar, yet there were also more structured pieces like at Malandrino.

"Although feeling slightly voyeuristic, it was certainly a unique experience attending these three very different presentations, and I feel lucky to have done it the way I did today. Here is a little free association to sum up the looks I saw: structured but flowy, plaid and hounds tooth, square glasses, purple, mini-wraps, polka dots, leather, simple & sophisticated. "

This Week in Pointless News:

• Lady Gaga (whom I love) FINALLY released her single that she’s been talking about since 2009. In case you live in the hole in the ground where Filene’s Basement used to be, It’s called Born This Way. It will be the new dancefloor anthem - and it’s average at best. Listen here.

• They’re letting the rest of America get I-Phones! Boooooo - I’m upset about this. The true I-Phone users are the ones that made the ultimate sacrifice and gave up our decent service to switch to AT&T’s dead zone service a long, long time ago.

• Another made in Boston movie hits the big screen, and Ben Affleck isn’t in it! Johnny Hickey, a Charlestown native and reformed Oxycontin dealer and user, went from pharmacy robberies, to jail, to recovery, and lived to tell the story. “Oxy-Moron’s” preview in Revere ended yesterday, but I have a good feeling some other cinemas will start picking it up. Check out the trailer here.

• The New Yorker wrote a really long expose/article on Scientology that I have not had time to read yet. If you are new to my blog, I should let you know, I am completely obsessed by the Hubbard hubbub. My first adult apartment was located next door to the Church of Scientology and I was fascinated on a daily basis. I’ve also come to realize that pretty much everyone you know has a “Scientology story”. I remember joking about it with my grandfather once and he ended up telling me he was locked in the Clearwater headquarters for 5 hours in the 90’s. On random mention of the religion, my father-in-law revealed being on a Scientology yacht somewhere on the west coast back in the 80’s. You can’t make this stuff up!

• Lindsay Lohan stole a necklace. She showed up to court in a body-hugging white mini-dress, the pictures hit the internets and well, the rest is history. The Kimberly Ovitz dress sold-out – EVERYWHERE. So designers, forget awards shows, start dressing celebs for court dates. Am I right?

Haters are SuperBoring!

Who did you watch the Super Bowl with? I watched it with some people I don’t really know but follow around, and a group of people that includes classmates, co-workers, current friends, former friends, and acquaintances. Catch my drift? It’s safe to say that social networks were abuzz with the #Superbowl.

Xtina Aguilera barely muttered the words “oh say, can you see” before the twitterverse started hating on her faster than you could say, “O’er the ramparts we watched”. Then the poor girl flubbed the lyrics and you would’ve thought she single handedly bombarded Fort McHenry. You know what Xtina, don’t worry about it, I don’t even know what ramparts are anyway.



Then the haters came for the Black Eyed Peas. Now I don’t attend Black Eyed Peas concerts or buy their albums for that matter, but honestly it was a hell of a lot better than Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. I mean come on. It pumped people up in a futuristic family friendly way.

I did miss half the commercials because I was too busy reading what people had to say about Fergie and Xtina. However, I did notice the provocative Sealy mattress ad – who has that much time in the morning? My water cooler seemed jazzed with the Eminem Chrysler ad, which was pretty badass – but, sorry mom, Chrysler’s are still not cool.

A Titillating Trunk Show

A what? I know, I'm a slave to alliteration. Anywho, call up a friend that you need to make plans with and ask her to come to a trunk show with you next Wednesday.  

My friends over at lolagraceEvents are bringing together some of Beantown’s best boutiques for the event. Shop Beacon Hill’s French Dressing, North End favorite, The Velvet Fly and new kid on the block, Heiress Boutique in Dorchester at Red Sky Restaurant and Lounge.

To help you seem a little more mature about possibly purchasing lingerie SVEDKA's sexy robot lady cocktails will be on hand.  RSVP here - http://svedkatrunkshow.eventbrite.com/