Oh Halloween, every year
you make us look like such fools.
For this year’s Halloween blog,
instead of my usual poking fun at people I thought I’d let my readers make fun
of themselves. I mean come on, you don’t
need me to tell you how dumb you looked standing at a cheesy Boston bar scantily
clad in a bustier and bug antennae.
Your response to my call for your tales of Halloween
costumes gone wrong flooded my inbox and kept tears rolling down my face for
days. Here, your costume regrets:
“As a desperate college
student and long distance lover, I voluntarily spent Halloween of ’08 dressed
as a side of the road Shrek on my boyfriend’s college campus. Flagging down customers at the Xtramart
earned me a $25 gas card and a box of snickers bars.” – Laura K., Boston
“Picture it – October 2007, Dan attends a Halloween party at Side Bar
in Downtown Crossing - the invitation declared that I must be in costume.
I decided to take a box, cut out the bottom, cut a hole on each side, wrap said
box in paper and throw a ‘TO/FROM’ sticker that read “TO: Women, FROM: God” –
Yes, I was God’s gift to women. What I wasn’t: able to fit through the
bathroom door, extend my reach to drink my beer, or stop myself from sweating profusely.
I was also not able to commute home on the redline.
“I also made Jello shots, put them into zip lock bags and taped them
to the inside of the box I was wearing. Well, when one wears a box in a
crowded bar, the Jello shots one has taped to the inside of a Halloween costume
has a tendency to melt. Melted Jello combined with gravity not only cause
one’s clothes to stain, but also tends to make the floor around your person
slippery.
“Luckily,
the beer situation was resolved by the creepy, yet kind woman tending bar who
taped several straws together so I could drink my bud light without having to remove
my costume.” – Dan O., Foxborough
“I
regret the one and only time I did a ‘sexy’ costume. I was 19, went as
Barbarella, accidentally ate a hash cookie, and almost lost my ever-loving mind
when I got way too much attention in my hot pants and go go boots. It was
horrible. I was saved by some crazy girl dressed as Duchess Sarah
Ferguson (think slightly drunkenly askew 80s glamour). She acted as my
bodyguard, shooing all the lecherous types away, and kept me occupied with
hilarious commentary and clove cigarettes.” - Anonymous co-worker
“I
was Gizmo, from the Gremlins one year. My mom made me a fur suit with quilted
ears and a white outlined eye to boot. I was also a no. 2 pencil and
everyone thought I was a Conehead.” - Kerry
F., Boston
 |
| I'm here to pick up my prescription. |
“How about the time I painted my face like a
skeleton to walk around the block with you girls when you were little.
Once we got home, I ran to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription before they
closed. The pharmacist was scared to death because she thought I was
there to rob them.
“When I was little my mom dressed my sister
Maria up as a TV. She was in a box up to her neck and had her little arms
hanging out with her heavy plastic pumpkin full of candy hanging from one
hand. It was pouring rain and my father took us through a back yard where
it was pitch dark and because she couldn't look down to see where she was going,
she proceeded to continuously slide over leaves and trip over the rock wall
spilling all her candy. My father, not the calmest man, was swearing,
Maria was crying and the rest of us were all trying to pick up her soaking wet
candy strewn about the rocks and leaves. We ended up having to share a
portion of our stash with her.” – Jane
(my mom), Whitman
“My mom dressed me up in one of my old dance
recital costumes. It was 4th of July themed, so she painted my face
red, white and blue and added a ton of glitter. It looked like the 4th of July
threw up a very bizarre clown.” – Katie C., Boston
“Costume regret? Oh boy, that’s easy. My mom used to sew, and we are from Ohio, so
OSU Buckeyes are as big as the Red Sox are here. Brutus Buckeye is the mascot for OSU. My mom made a Brutus buckeye costume that we
stuffed with newspaper. Everyone thought I was a big potato.” – Carrie, Boston
“Well, there was the dice incident. That year, your father and I decided to dress
as a pair of dice. Unfortunately, the
boxes we were wearing were so big that we took up the entire room at the
party.” - Carole, Worcester (as told to her daughter)
I'm only ashamed of the one I bought instead of created... And
it was a ... I'm embarrassed to say it... Ok, it was a pumpkin suit...head- to-
toe orange felt jumpsuit... AND I wore green suede Filas with it… 1993 was a
weird year for me.” – Kathleen, Boston
"I'm a Chiquita banana and I'm here to say,
give me some candy and I'll go away"
This was the song I sang whilst I trick or
treated all around the neighborhood in a giant banana costume my mother made
me. It had so much bunting in the top, I couldn't walk thru doors.
“I went to one of my first boy/girl parties in
this costume and got into a chasing match with my friends who were dressed like
other fruits (tomato, grapes, etc.) (fruit of the loom...) and proceeded to run
clear off a brick wall because I couldn't see where the hell I was going. I was
about a 4-foot drop.
“In later years, I wore the costume at my sort of tough middle
school on costume day and called my mother at the makeup counter to pick me up
because I was teased and called the walking condom.” – Gillian, San Fran
And don’t
worry, I have one too. My long-time
readers may remember this story from last year’s blog:
“In
the 7th grade my mom convinced me to be a picnic. Hands down, worst day of my
life. I spent an entire school day walking around with a makeshift table and
dinner for four on my chest. That one was a real hit with the guys. Seriously,
thanks mom. I can't believe I actually bought your “be different and original”
speech. While my sister was frolicking around as a lovely turquoise satin
unicorn, 13-year-old boys were ripping bags of Fritos off my “picnic”, I
couldn't fit at my desk and I had a fork and knife in my hair.”
Happy
Halloween!
Feel
free to post your costume regrets in the comments below.
