Haters gonna’ hate– A Snark’s “Real” Life Tips (Wear Sunscreen)

 I know, I know, you’re probably still jazzed about the “30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself” that your friend posted on Facebook. I’m sure you’re all fired up to go home tonight and “sing like no one can hear you” while you gaze out the windows at the simple beauty of your backyard.

If there’s one thing I got from the most recent inspirational list, it’s that people LOVE these freaking lists! They love the posters, the motivational life sayings set to music, the inspirational quotations put on magnets, and they LOVE books with chickens on them written for whatever life stage you happen to be living.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I didn’t blast Baz Luhrmann’s Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) in the summer of ’99, or that I didn’t think ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN was the coolest thing I had ever read at some point in my life. I’m just kind of sick of these vague lists. I’d prefer more specifics, fewer generalizations and less preaching. I guess it’s no big surprise I’m a little more of a realist. So, instead of babbling any further, I’m taking a sip from my half-empty water glass and making my own list of real life tips:

- Stop lying to your dental hygienist about flossing every day, the woman is not a fool.

- Stop driving around with your gas light on, I know it feels like a real thrill when you drive for 30 miles on empty, but it really stresses out the other people in your car.



- Stop complaining about your job. Everybody’s job sucks. Join the club; they all meet at the bar at 5:00.


- Stop going to bed so late. The only thing you’re missing is a REM cycle.

- Stop holding on to old one socks. You’re never going to find the match.


- Stop buying lunch. Would it kill you to pack a freaking lunch every once in awhile? God forbid you don’t have a gourmet sandwich or fancy salad one day for lunch. You’ll be fine, and it’ll take 5 minutes.


- Stop dancing in public. Whoever said, “dance like no one is watching” is probably a good dancer and doesn’t understand. And, if you think no one is watching you, you’re dead wrong. There’s a good chance the entire room is watching you Napoleon Dynamite your way through Party Rock Anthem at the bar, wedding, party or cardio groove class you’re embarrassing yourself at.


- Stop drinking more than two vodka, gin or tequila drinks when you go out. You’re only going to have a headache, cry in a corner or pick a fight with someone.


- Stop the madness. Tell someone off. Sometimes people deserve it. There are a lot of jerks out there.


- Stop looking for an award. They don’t give out awards for doing your Christmas shopping early or for ending your work year with all your vacation & sick days, so stop trying to earn one.


- Stop the lies. For the most part; we know you’re not really sick, so please, spare us the manufactured sob story.


- Stop being a runny-nosed martyr. If you really are sick,  go to the doctor and  stop hacking all over the people you work with.


- Stop hanging on to those jeans. They’re not going to fit you again.


- Stop stopping at the cart. Nothing that’s sold at a cart in the middle of the mall is worth buying. Not even those magical minerals from the dead sea and the slippers that look like high top sneakers


- Stop denying the real reason you’re running a marathon. The jig is up.


- Stop feeling bad about watching Teen Mom . The show is awesome.


- Stop thinking about whether or not you should get up for someone on the T – you know you’re going to prolong thinking about this until one of you gets off anyway.


- Stop pretending you’re going to fulfill your New Year’s resolutions


- Stop believing you are really saving so much money when you go to stores like Kohls, Target & TJ Maxx. Do you really think you saved money when you spent $135 and all you purchased were sweatpants and 2 pairs of socks?



And, I’m not going to lie, I kinda love that Baz Luhrmann video.


 

Take a whiff of your new favorite bar game…

Forget planking & owling – there’s a new trend in town. This season, it’s all about Smell Hair. The premise of Smell Hair is simple: in a bar setting, players take turns smelling strangers’ hair without being noticed.

The strand sniffing is catching on.  Just this week, successful Smell Hair missions were witnessed in Boston, DC & Richmond.

Planking is passe

Even celebs Smell Hair!

RULES:


1. The first rule of Smell Hair is you don’t talk about Smell Hair. You may not reveal what you are doing to anyone in the bar outside of your group of players. If you are caught Smelling Hair, you are not permitted to explain that you’re playing a game.


2. Points are awarded by the group based on style, creativity, possibility of danger, and sneakiness. Zero points are awarded if the target catches you.


3. Your group must witness your turn. If no one saw you Smell Hair, it didn’t happen.


Submit photos and videos of your Smell Hair adventures to SmellHairUSA@gmail.com.  


Visit the Smell Hair blog on tumblr!  You can Smell Hair on Facebook & Twitter too.

Newbury Street: A Love Letter

Visit Newburystreetleague.org for Holiday Stroll details

When I was a kid, there was no place in my mind cooler than Boston’s Newbury Street. I just wanted to be there, shop there, stroll there, eat there, & someday live there. It’s funny, a street known mainly for it’s shopping may not mean much to others, but when I think back, Newbury Street has really been there for me when I needed it.

As a teenager, every high school semi-formal and prom brought my mom and I to the Back Bay. My first apartment – a studio at Beacon & Hereford, was 3 blocks from Newbury Street. Sure, I was sharing one room with my best friend, but it’s all about location, location, location, right? And, as a bonus, we got lots of free “stress tests” living next to the Church of Scientology.

Years later, after realizing my hips didn’t lie in my “Running of the Brides” wedding dress, Newbury Street was there for me again. The gals at L’Elite “projectrunwayed” me a fab frock in less than a month.

For years, any days off, shopping runs, celebrations, haircuts (Roffi) brunches, lunches, interviews by the pool (Notorious BIG anyone?), most likely took place on the eight blocks spanning from Arlington St. to Mass Ave. In all the years I’ve known her, Newbury Street just hasn’t lost that quintessential Boston charm.

It’s only getting better. Newbury Street is really stepping up its game. Long lauded as one of Boston’s finest shopping streets, US News & World Report Travel recently named the chic collection of shops one of America’s Best Shopping Streets. Over the past few years, Newbury Street has added a few of my favorite stores, including All Saints Spitalfields, Madewell, Pinkberry, Anthropologie, Marc Jacobs & Zara. And this September, Newbury Street outdid itself, hosting the fantastic Fashion’s Night Out.

An epic Holiday Stroll is on tap for this coming Saturday. Dozens of Newbury Street retailers are throwing fabulous in store events that include live entertainment, music, food, drink, spa demonstrations and giveaways. So, skip the mall and hit the streets. Why not make the Newbury Street Holiday Stroll part of your December traditions?

For the Holiday Stroll details, visit Newburystreetleague.org.