Is it just me or does this guy get less and less attractive each week? Am I really cheating on Chuck and Blair with this tool?
Anyway, Ben brings the gals down to Panama City where they all shack up at the new Trump place.
Date Card 1 – Kacie B
The two lovebirds hop in a helicopter and Ben brings Kacie to a private island owned by his vampire mother Esme.
What would you pack for a mystery date on a “deserted” island with The Bachelor and a camera crew? Well, Kacie B. brought a stuffed animal and a bag of candy. Is this girl eleven years old heading out for a sleepover? She must’ve been really surprised when Ben pulled a machete out of his bag. Umm…if this wasn’t a pre-taped reality television show I’d think this poor southern belle was stuck on a deserted island with a madman serial killer.
Date 2 – Rainforest Group Date
While Ben winds his banana boat through the river, the girls pretend to be excited. You know they were really hanging on for dear life, just wondering what kind of creatures lurked in that muddy rainforest river.
They “come upon” a tribe in the rainforest and all get outfitted in clothes that Panamanian rainforest tribe people appearing on Bachelor episodes wear.
Highlights: Bare-chested Courtney scares the loin-clothed children, shakes her tatas and talks a lot about taking her clothes off. Meanwhile, the rest of the ladies halfheartedly paint tribal tattoos on each other and dance like the entire country isn’t watching them on national television.
Back at the cocktail hour portion of the date, Courtney offers to take her clothes off again, Emily makes a joke, Ben laughs, Emily & Courtney exchange words. But it’s all for nothing, Lindzi the horse whisperer earns the early rose.
Date 3 – 2 on 1
Rachel, the blonde with the bangs, is kind of an emotional wreck and she’s definitely not into this salsa dancing threesome. Blakeley is super excited about this because her and the rest of the “VIP Cocktail waitresses” had a “salsa” routine that they used to do in Atlantic City on Sundays when the “VIP” restaurant she danced at had a prime rib special. I made that up. She is excited though.
The salsa dance date kind of reminds me of the thousand dollars Brian and I threw out the window at the Arthur Murray Dance Studio to learn how to dance for our wedding. There were lots of 1-2-3’s that we pretended to understand but never really did - kind of like Rachel. Meanwhile, Blakeley danced like Cha-Cha from Grease.
Clearly, Blakeley brought her scrapbooking supplies with her on the trip and made Benny boy a memory book. Ben is scurred of the masterpiece and decides to choose Rachel instead. He sends Blakeley back to the trailer park.
Finally, the drama we’ve been waiting for. What happens with Casey S???? Well, I just watched it and I’m not even really sure. Her and her denim jumpsuit leave with Chris the host and he accuses her of hoodwinking the producers!!! She rambles a lot, some he said/she said about an ex-boyfriend. Chris doesn’t buy her story and makes her repeat her nonsensical story to Ben. Also, we find out that she is a gross crier because Ben sends her packing, Lame, we all know that she just wanted her 15 minutes of fame.
I refuse to address what Jamie did at the end of the episode. Luckily, we never have to see her do anything creepy like that again.
Next bikini stop: Belize