Just getting to the gym is half the battle. And sometimes when we get there, our performance is nothing short of pathetic. Instead of wandering through the treacherous field of free-weights and machines we don’t know how to use, we break into zombie mode, grab a magazine, and amble towards the trusty elliptical or treadmill.
Are you guilty of any of these gym crimes?
- Have you headed to the mats to “stretch” and found yourself face up on a gym mat “resting” 15 minutes later?
- Have you ever gone to the gym hung-over and experiencing a case of the guilties? Hoping to rid yourself of your self-loathing feelings, you managed to stink up the joint and struggle through a twenty-minute workout.
- Do classes with the word “groove,” “dance,” or “jam” make you shudder? Have you been asked to dance your way out of class? I have.
- Have you skipped the workout altogether and used the gym to shower?
- Have you tripped over your step during an annoyingly named cardio class and made a complete arse out of yourself? I have.
- Have you forgotten your sports bra and decided to power through anyway? I have.
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I joined a gym once, long ago. I am not a gym person, but had visions of a brand new me. It didn't work out (pun intended), but I will always cherish the gorgeous sauna I used faithfully during the entire months of Jan-Feb, usually while everyone else was actually, you know, working out. I had such a lovely post-gym glow when I stepped out into the frigid Boston air. No one needed to know it wasn't from cardio.
ReplyDeleteI tried to take a spinning class for the second time (as if the first wasn’t horrible enough) and the instructor was so freaking excited that I came back. I was so nervous the second time especially after he was so excited and told him I had to leave early. But I really didn’t. I was so sore from doing it 2 days prior that I couldn’t deal!
ReplyDeleteI'm a really good squatter. One time I ate a luna bar before I did some squats. Unfortunately the gym was pretty quiet that day because no one saw and no one could believe that I broke the world record for squats that day. There was just this one really skinny kid there, the type of kid that probably drinks weight gainer but still weighs 10 pounds. He must've been so scared, I could probably kick him in half with just one leg.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I should even share this but awhile back I went to the gym early in the morning (and I bring a bag and shower then go straight to work) and did my typical run on the treadmill and lifted a bit, etc. I put my flip flops on (of course) and took a quick shower only to realize that I forgot the hanger that had my work outfit on it. So I'm standing in the locker room with just my underwear on deciding if I put back on my sweaty disgusting workout clothes or if I have any other options. Instead I simply put on my long winter coat, zipped it up real tight, put my sneakers back on, walked out and prayed for no sudden gusts of wind. Then I proceeded to go back to my house to get my original outfit.
ReplyDeletewin. That is hilarious and yet very resourceful.
DeleteThere was this one time when I took a cardio kickboxing class right after work and I'd forgotten my shoes. The teacher suggested I just take the class barefoot. I didn't want to wuss out so I did. That hurt for days. And then this other time, I took a spin class at 6:30 am, without having any breakfast. Who can eat that early? I certainly couldn't. Well, I almost passed out, had to be practically carried to the gym office, and was given oxygen by the security guard (oh, yes, this was at work.). I tore the muscles in both quads, had to call in sick to work because I couldn't walk for a few days, and cancelled a trip. That was at least 7 years ago and I've only taken spin class 2x since.
ReplyDelete(I've improved my exercise skills since then.)
Hey Melissa - You're hilarious and a winner. Please send your address to beantownpages@gmail.com
Delete- Thanks!
Lol to the above stories. I don't have anything epic but I have been guilty of walking in saying oh I'm just gonna go tanning first, tan then walkout no workout. Also everytime I build up my confidence to cross the threshold into the weights area to try something different, I get stared at by creepy men and just revert back to my 5lb dumbbell workout. FAIL
ReplyDeleteI'm embarrassed to even admit this but I'm sure there are other people (men & women) guilty of this work out crime. I'm someone who goes to the gym to simply hop on the treadmill with the greatest mirror view of myself and continulously stair at myself running, all the while making sure I look like a.)I run all the time and b.) I look attractive doing it. Another thing I like to do is, when i start running I take a mental note of the people that come in after me and make sure I don't leave until after they do, just so they think I'm an over-achiever. Then I leave and don't make a trip back for several weeks.
ReplyDeleteThese are great, keep 'em coming. Like Amber, I don't have anything quite as epic. I am however an avid hungover runner who is guilty of rather frequently leaving the previous night's toxins on the sidewalks of Brookline. Judging by common reactions, BC students, Hasidic Jews, and 8 year olds are all entertained and horrified by this... who knew they had something in common?
ReplyDeleteI try to vary my length of time on the treadmill for a more versatile workout -- and to accommodate which episode of Law & Order I'm watching. No workout is complete unless Mariska gets the bad guy at a 4.0 pace.
ReplyDeleteThe president of my college used the sauna at my gym. He would just sit on his towel and not keep it wrapped around him. I know more than I care to about my college president. I did fall off a treadmill once when my foot caught the rail next to the belt. The person next to me started laughing and she feel off when she did the same thing.
ReplyDeletePicture it - Spring 2010. The area you live in is at water level so there are no basements and your water heater is in your garage. Said water heater tends to not run as effeceintly when you hit it with your car. When this happens on a Saturday (and you are renting) this results in no hot water until at least Tuesday afternoon. Resolution - join the local gym and use their shower. So join I did. I should probably also mention that the closest gym was at the University we worked at. There is nothing like having a student you previously suspended be the one to enroll you in this gym only for you to skip your workout and head right for the lockerrooms to take a nice warm shower. I was in and out in 20 minutes. Confusion quickly registered on the face this girl which I carefully avoided by continuing to look at the ground while I briskly walked out.
ReplyDeleteI thought my greatest challenge that Tuesday was going to be braving the hardest bootcamp BSC has to offer... unfortunately not the case. I made it through 35 minutes of sweat covered burpees, suicides, and "spiderman pushups" (whatever the hell those are... trainer looked unbelievable doing them) and thought we were nearing the end... PARTNER UP!!!! he yells, and like two loners picked last for dodgeball, myself and the only attractive male in the room pair up realizing no one else was left. The next 25 minutes: militant pushups and clammy handclaps, partner stretching with sweaty crotches, and I THINK I had had enough when he told us to sit down and wrap our ankles around one another's for high five infused situps. I managed to small talk my way with him to our locker rooms and left hoping he didn't think I looked and smelled like a baboon!!!!
ReplyDeleteI know this is late, but I had to share! If and when I decide to run on the treadmill, I usually make sure to hold onto my ipod with a death grip. I am jealous of people who can easily run and set their ipod down on the machine at the same time. I am not one of those people. I tried to be, once. Within seconds I managed to karate chop my headphones cord, sending my ipod flying behind me. Thank god no one was behind me, they surely would have been decapitated. The two girls on either side of me very nicely got off their treadmills to help me find it, which took a good 5 minutes. It was lodged under a dusty old Planet Fitness machine.
ReplyDeleteI’ve learned a lot from your blog here, Keep on going, my friend, I will keep an eye on it.
ReplyDelete