My dear readers, I watched The Bachelorette tonight. Are you excited? Obviously, Emily is no bachelor Ben; she’s likeable, gorgeous and normal. She’s kind of one of those girls you want to hate because she weighs 110 lbs. and drinks beers with the guys, but you just can’t dislike her. So, in light of her awesomeness, I’m not going to do a traditional recap, but I am going to ask you a few questions.
Please comment below!
- Do they not have Crest White Strips in London?
- Is “Mushroom Farmer” code for drug dealer?
- Is Arie really a racecar driver or does he just play one on TV? He seems like a sad hipster. I thought I was watching Zach Braff in Garden State for a minute. Wahhhhhh.
- How about hot Ryan? Yummy. He seems like the dude you make out with in a pool in Vegas not someone you marry. The dude bought her a vending machine necklace for crying out loud.
- Jef (sic) is like a cross between Harry Connick Jr. & Cher’s friend “Christian” from Clueless. Speaking of Clueless, that reminds me of my favorite Clueless quote c/o of Cher’s dad, "Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you." The entire date I kept waiting for Jef to turn into the wedding singer and give us a little Michael Buble style show. Another thing, Jef looked like he was going to cry during teatime. Come on, take it easy on Jean, she was just doing her job, no one’s going to steal your sandwich.
- Poor Travis. He’s trying.
- Wolf, the Data Destruction Specialist didn’t get too much camera time. Ummm… Is this guy a freaking paper shredder? Is that what Data Destruction Specialist means? I mean, really, I need to send my resume to these Bachelor/Bachelorette peeps and have them rewrite a few of my job titles.
- Sean and Emily would make some pretty beautiful children, am I right?
- Emily said that Sean “makes her get butterflies in her heart.” And I still don’t hate her. Instead, I hate myself for watching this show.
And again, the Bachelor peeps copy my travel plans. For the record, I've wanted to go to Croatia for awhile. So if I go, it's NOT because of the freaking Bachelorette. Just had to put that out there.