Emily is gorgeous, uses words like vapid, speaks Spanish and is a gosh darn PHd student. MOVE ON from this disaster. You’re too smart for this shiz. Umm…can I marry Emily?
Date with Nicki -
It rained, they got wet, and they bought new clothes. Ben envisions himself in “white threads” and makes it happen. He thinks he has “Latin swagger”. Umm… nope, you have no swagger. No Latin kind, no Sonoma kind, no swagger whatsoever.
Ben and Nicki muse about weddings and marriage and Ben says, “I want a big wedding, whenever that day might come.” Umm…I’m not trying to be a know-it-all but isn’t the point of this show for you to get married? ABC probably already has the Bachelor wedding on its schedule. I’m sure Nikki was psyched that all of her makeup melted off during her date on national television. I’m also sure she was super happy to share the dirty details of her failed marriage during her date.
Blakeley, the show’s hairdresser/VIP cocktail waitress, (who highlighted Emily’s hair last week) is kind of my underdog pick at this point. The rest of the cast, like me, has realized her blue-collar resourcefulness.
The date card says, “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” Again, Emily is ahead of the curve, by catching on to the baseball metaphor. The other girl’s probably still think there is some sort of jewelry involved in this baseball date. There was some sort of baseball game. Obviously, Emily is good at baseball and Blakeley and her blue-collar scrappiness made a few hits. Courtney did baby talk and made sexy eyes at Ben.
Lindzi is the MVP - she’s “playing on both teams” I’ll leave that one alone. Despite the blue team’s grit, the models/actresses (red team) won the game and their prize is the honor of hanging out with sweaty Ben at the beach party.
Blakeley took the loss really hard – it was like watching Geena Davis and Lori Petty out there. The rest of the Rockford Peaches seemed dejected as well, but poor Blakeley seemed like she was about to get traded to Racine.
It was boring. Courtney didn’t get the rose so she offered to take her clothes off. But, Blakeley is the stripper?
Elyse the Personal Trainer
Banging body, weird eyebrows, big hoop earrings, seems like a nice girl and she’s wayyyyy too hot for Ben. She says “like” a lot and quit her job for this douche that wears his hair in a center part. I think Ben was sick of her saying “like” so he suggested they jump off the top of the boat. She dug her own grave during the dinner date while I cringed and had my finger on the fast forward button. It was sad, but she could find someone a lot hotter. Am I right? Maybe Blakeley, the jack-of-all-trades will even fix her eyebrows before she leaves.
Ben + Elyse = mismatch
Courtney said “nightcap” eight times and broke the “Bachelor” rules by stalking him and waiting outside his hotel room door. After she got him liquored up, she lured him out to the beach to drop trou and do intimate things in the ocean. Gross.
No rose for Jennifer, the redheaded stepchild that hiccups when she cries.
Next stop: Panama City, Panama
The episode was brought to you by W Hotels.